Nine Holes, Nine Planets: Astrology for Par

and my compatriots and I were sharing a foursome of Partagas #10’s, on our way down the course, and my phone chimed a web alert: My horoscope was in. It’s generally poor etiquette to pull out the cell phone on the links, but what the hell, right?

Then it hit me. Astrology recognizes 9 planets. And the course has 9 holes. Hmm. Profound? Cosmic? Surely there’s no such thing as coincidence.

Or maybe I’m just bipolar.

In any event, while my buddies were blah-blah-ing about divorce war stories and sharing battle scars, I formulated the prime strategy of astrological golf. (If this works, I’m getting my own show on ESPN. Fingers crossed.)

Hole 1: The Sun

Life, like golf, starts with self-awareness. The Sun is the spirit that enlightens. And I pretty much know by the end of the first hole how my day’s going to go… or not.

Hole 2: The Moon

Once you have awareness, you want to be aware of something. Being aware only of yourself, while quite “zen” and chic, is also pretty boring. We want experience! As the Sun is the light, the Moon is the reflector. What you learned on the first hole is beamed, reflected and broadcast down the fairway. (For better or worse, so consider the “experience” of quitting while you’re behind.)

Hole 3: Mercury

The god of communication, Hermes to the Greeks, Mercury to the Romans, represents the moment when the cigar hits its sweet spot, and the words begin to flow–many of them comprised of four letters. But Mercury also creates the roads, around the dog leg to Hole 4. Press on. And if you have little fairy wings on your Nike’s, all the better.

Hole 4: Venus

The goddess of love hovers over the fourth hole. And if you’ve ha